The Speights of Life # 98 That Sinking Feeling-
By Max Speights
Some of my teenaged years were spent in Coconut Grove, Florida, (part of Miami situated on Biscayne Bay). My sister and I would walk a few blocks to the bay and play to our heart’s content. We seined for small fish and crabs, walked around the docks, and played in the local park, running amongst all the various palm trees.
One day, I waded out into shallow water with my net to catch whatever awaited me. Something else awaited me. Quicksand. I began sinking. Panic set in. I shouted instructions for my sister: run home and get our father.
Added to my distress was “the unknown factor.” That is, what ELSE was under there with me? Was some terrible creature going to grab part of me? Thank goodness the movie JAWS had not been made yet. I would have been more of a nervous wreck.
I now know (but then I didn’t, thanks to movies) you seldom sink completely into quicksand, and it doesn’t always suck you under either. But in those frightening moments, I searched and searched with my feet for something solid. The more I struggled and thrashed around, the deeper I seemed to sink.
Fortunately, for me, I was already about six feet tall and skinny as a string bean (now getting a bit like a zucchini, but I digress), so my feet finally hit something solid when I was in the mess up to my armpits. I calmed myself (relaxing helps a lot, it is said), wriggled and twisted and turned and flattened out and, with a few obscene sounds, extricated myself from the muck and dog-paddled/crawled toward the dry shore, filthy from head to toe but safe, if not sound.
About a half hour later, my father appeared with my sister at his side.
I remember my father being very perturbed at being disturbed (a baseball game must have been on the radio). He was furious that I would get myself into such a situation (but hey, who was TRYING to?), and I received little or no sympathy from him.
It was a frightening experience, not having a firm foundation under my feet.
Hey, isn’t this what it is like having a parent who cares more about the game than your safety? The gnawing awareness that my father would rather listen to the end of a game than rescue me (a perception, mind you, but probably not a reality) did far more to encourage that sinking feeling in me during my formative years than any quicksand ever could.
A firm foundation is a wonderful thing. Especially when I seem to be sinking, bit by bit. I may toss and turn as I’m sinking, but there’s nothing like the moment when I realize there is something firm under me, preventing me from sinking further. We all have those moments, and our theories or realities about what keeps us above the muck of life, and able to go on day after day.
What keeps you from sinking?
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COACHING QUESTIONS WE MIGHT ASK:
1 ) What do you do when life suddenly throws a curve ball at you and you find yourself in unknown and scary territory?
2) Is there a way you can train yourself to respond, rather than react?
3) What happens when you struggle instead of relaxing and either accepting things as they are, or finding a way to deal that isn’t based on panic?
4) Can you remember a time when you went into fright mode and what happened to you?
5) Can you think of a time when you calmed yourself and came up with a way out of a difficult spot?
6) What are the foundations under your feet that serve you best in your life?
7) What perceptions do you have about others in your life or about yourself than limit you?
8) Are there perceptions or beliefs you have carried that you would like to change or reframe?
9) How much are those perceptions based on reality?
10) How does it benefit you to continue to hold on to them?
11) How can you approach or view them differently? (What would you need to do?)
12) What inner skills or strengths can you access to keep you from sinking?
13) What resources can you tap into to move yourself forward and/or to keep you from getting stuck again?
